Dwayne “The Rock” Hamster was aptly named because he was a big chungus, another term fondly used by his guardian Harry.
Dwayne was the best dwarf Russian hamster you could wish for and loved to be cuddled, petted and of course fed. Harry chose him because he had a dark line down his back which almost looked like a Mohican.
Dwayne worked out! That hamster was buff! We often saw him spinning on his wheel or using his cage as one massive monkey bar. If we’d popped another hamster in with him I would not have been surprised to have found him being bench pressed by Dwayne.
Dwayne had severe FOMO (fear of missing out) and would often sleep with his body in his hut and his head peaking out ready to spring into action.
He also had a favourite corner of his vast cage to snuggle in as well as under his stairs or behind his wheel.
It was behind his wheel I found him last Sunday, seemingly fast asleep, but cold to the touch.
I moved his wheel out the way but he laid there limp apart from his extended left paw.
Oh no I said to Ollie who was helping me clean out both Dwayne and Cocos cages.
I gently reached in and cupped Dwayne in my hands pulling him into my chest.
He didn’t feel or look dead, he was too squishy. We’ve been around dead hamsters before and they’ve all been, well, stiff.
I Googled it and found out there is a condition called Torpor which affects hamsters. If they get too cold, they go into a deep hibernation mode where their heart beat and breathing slow down to preserve them. It might just have been hope but I believed that was what we were dealing with.
I asked Ollie to carry on cradling him whilst I quickly cleaned out his cage.
Meanwhile we’d had to gently update Harry.
Lee had got a lovely roaring fire going in the lounge and it was a relaxing Sunday afternoon.
Google had said we needed to gently raise Dwayne’s body temperature for him to come out of torpor, it could take a few hours to a week?!
Not ready to give up and sure I could feel a faint pulse and a glimmer in Dwayne’s slightly parted eye I asked Harry to go and grab one of my fluffy bed socks.
I folded it into itself and made a comfy little nest to pop Dwayne into.
Lee was driving his daughter home so the boys and I snuggled up on the sofa to watch Beast Games which I found thoroughly disturbing but they seemed to enjoy.
Harry was next to me and wanted to hold Dwayne. I placed the sock into his hands and ensured Dwayne’s little head was popping out and nothing was obstructing his breathing.
Harry lasted a good 15 minutes and then turned to me and said,
“ I just really don’t like the smell mum”
Dwayne wasn’t as house proud as Coco and I had thought he might have soiled himself whilst in his deep sleep behind his hamster wheel so I took over the exchanging of body heat.
A few hours later it was time to get the boys to bed so I popped Dwayne into his hut making sure he was comfy and warm.
I comforted the boys and we talked about hamster heaven in preparation.
Once they were settled I went and had a little cry, I bloody loved that hamster!
Lee was home and I needed a drink so I poured a generous gin and minimal tonic.
I sat with him to watch something or other but then decided to go and get Dwayne and continue the heat therapy.
I was feeling forlorn and I didn’t know what to do. I was sure that every now and then I felt a pulse or a little kick but wasn’t sure if it was just the blood draining from my hand. Was there a chance he would come to? How long would I leave it? Was it okay to leave him a week to be sure or was that too long to leave a hamster if he was in fact dead?
I asked Lee all of the above.
Never one to mince his words, Lee turned to me and said
“the hamster is dead babe!”
Not ready to give up I text my bestie and here is how the conversation went,
“So I found Dwayne asleep behind his wheel this afternoon but he seemed dead. But there a thing called torpor where they get cold and seem dead. I’m currently cuddling him in a sock but he smells. Can take a few hours to a few days x I don’t know whether to keep cuddling him or give up x Lee no use x”
Kayleigh, “Can you put him in his cage in the sock? Xxx”
Me “I could also just be cuddling a smelly dead hamster which is weird x I think I’ll wait until I go to bed before putting him in the cage x I do think I feel movement every now and then but don’t know if my hands just going to sleep x”
Kayleigh “ Did you put him straight in the sock when you found him? Xxx”
Me “ Ollie cuddled him while I cleaned his cage and then put him in the sock a few hours ago x I might have got my son to cuddle his brothers dead hamster”
Kayleigh “ Put a little blanket over his cage as well. Hope he’s okay xxx”
It was by this time I realised that when I took Dwayne out of his sock home, the smell had got progressively worse and every site I Googled said that was most definitely a conclusive sign.
I popped him into his cage and moved it next to the radiator in the lounge, still a tuppence of hope left.
I didn’t sleep very well and got up at 5 to check if Dwayne had made a miraculous recovery. He had not so I put his cage back in the conservatory not ready to deal with the inevitable until after school. No one needs that on a Monday morning!
Off I went to work and the boys to school.
At the end of the day after chores, homework and dinner had been done I was prepared for what needed to happen next.
I had researched the bejesus out of it and decided upon a hamster cremation at home so we could send Dwayne off in style.
I wasn’t envisioning toasting marshmallows over his flames or anything but I’d won a new bbq in an office charity auction and thought we could put the old one to good use.
In the mean time it had been suggested to role Dwayne into some paper towel and seal in a plastic bag and pop in the freezer to preserve until the time came.
Minutes after I’d put him in there Harry came into the kitchen.
I let him know Dwayne had gone and asked if he liked my plan.
He did not.
He became agitated and tearful and wanted to know where Dwayne was. Informing him he was in the freezer did not help matters. We promptly took him out.
Harry unwrapped him. I asked Harry to try and keep Dwayne off the counter top. Dwayne was somehow still squishy but seemed to have air bubbles in him but still looked so cute and just like he was asleep.
Harry wanted to bury him, but this was not successful with his predecessor as we have foxes.
I had a bright yellow plant pot which had come with some dwarf sunflowers which had never bloomed but the compost was still inside.
Harry had tried some Just Bee honey and got a packet of free bee attracting wild flowers with it. The plan was coming together like the circle of life.
Harry dug down into the pot and made a well for Dwayne. I’d wrapped him in paper and popped him in a toilet tube but Harry wanted to have one last cuddle in spite of the smell.
With that he dropped him splat on the floor.
Harry and I caught each others eye.
Me “ Harry, son, we’ve just got to laugh or we will go mad”
Harry “if Dwayne wasn’t dead before, he certainly is now!”
We picked him up off the floor and gave him a fitting burial a spare dried corn on the cob and a sprinkling of flower seeds.
With any luck the seeds will grow and the pot will be very pretty and we’ll be able to take it with us wherever we go. By that I mean if we move house, not just like when we’re going on a day trip to the beach, that would be even more weird than the rest of the story.
So there you have it. Hopefully I have not traumatised my children or you!
Love and hugs, kisses and wishes xxx
A cheeky little Twinkle update xxx 