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Oh the pleasure of being back in the bath! 

That gets me thinking of the poem by Robert Browning, written whilst he was in Italy and missing Englands Springtime, the Chaffinch song and the blossoms.

“ Oh, to be in England

Now that April’s there,

And whoever wakes in England

Sees, some morning, unaware,

That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf

Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,

While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough

In England – now!! “

Harry’s would be a bit more like, 

Oh, to be in England where we can flush paper down the loo! 

Of course we had a wonderful holiday, that was always going to happen. Our little family has a lovely way of making each day count, no matter what! 

Our studio was partitioned with low walls, reminded me of a biscuit selection box. The bathroom had a door though, but of course the lock didn’t work. The Spanish receptionist looked at me like I was completely bonkers when I suggested someone might come and fix the lock, as if the Spanish don’t need privacy, she most definitely didn’t have children!

The twins were most perturbed they couldn’t flush toilet paper down the toilet, especially after a number two. Oli took to showering straight after instead, almost like a massive bidet!

The website had said there were seven pools, but it turns out they counted the pools within the pools separately! Cheeky! The one with the slides was salt water and that just didn’t sit right with Harry. I made myself go in twice. Each time I tried to heat myself up first which was tricky with the 30 minutes sun we had each day, okay, that’s an exaggeration. The first time I jumped in it literally took my breath away. Harry kept asking me questions, but I literally couldn’t respond so had to swim away. I threw one of my ice cubes in the pool from my Pina Colada, I wouldn’t doubt it’s still probably there just bobbing away merrily, watching polar bears drift by.  

The food hall was very bright, with a constant mechanical whirring sound, I never worked out where it came from. I found the food quite tasty, but I’m always up for a challenge and tended to drink alcohol with it, well we were all inclusive. Lee found a random sprout in his coleslaw, I was more concerned with the constant undercooking of the chicken and the pork. Oli even gave us his finest Gordon Ramsay impression, a little too loudly, 

“It’s RAAAAAAAAAWWW! It’s ****ing RAAAWWW!!”

One of the days Oli was eating a plate of chips he’d sprinkled strawberry Millions on whilst Harry was dipping a waffle cone in his Coke for a main course, I just carried on drinking my Rose Spritzer! They weren’t injecting heroin into their eyeballs, that’s how low the bar had come! The birds loved the food and often flew in for a nibble, not so hygienic and concerning when one of the staff went after George (he was our favourite pigeon) with a rather large knife! We’ll be eating pidgeon tonight my boys! 

With the pools too cold, the weather sprinkled with showers, some containing hail and the apartment not having wifi – ooh yes, I forgot about that! Some guy was actually complaining at reception that the only place you could get wifi was reception and that was sporadic so he wanted some money off. I actually felt a bit sorry for him, where was his sense of adventure? He was on holiday! Put down the CandyCrush and get out and explore! Which is exactly what we did! 

We walked to the nearby old town with its beautiful pastel coloured buildings, gothic architecture and bustling market, it reminded me of Annecy in France. One of my highlights was sitting at a table plonked right in the centre, being hit by dazzling sunshine, drinking a good, strong coffee and watching the world go by. Even the boys managed to sit at the table and drink it all in, not coffee, sparkling water with a twist of lemon, very fancy. We’d allowed them to drink so much all inclusive Coca Cola we were worried it would start coming out of them like a fountain and felt we could count the lemon as one of their five a day! 

We also walked to Corralejo with its fabulous shops and popcorn beach. Another of my highlights is sitting at the Waikiki Bar on the beach, feet buried in the sand, drinking the best Pina Colada I’ve ever had, watching the windsurfers. Again the sunshine found us. Time was merely broken up with us shouting at Harry to not throw rocks and Oli not to stand on glass or pick up fag butts. 

The beach near us, about a 20 minute walk was very clean and the water was clear, perfect for rock pooling. Someone had kindly built a wind shelter out of rocks which I hunkered down behind whilst the boys played rugby or built sand Zombie Apocalypse villages. 

Traditionally it was thought that Fuerteventura got its name from the Spanish words “fuertes vientos”which literally means strong winds, so I suppose we shouldn’t have been surprised. 

However, all this walking took a toll on my poor old knees. We had planned to hire bikes, but would have needed a second mortgage for that plus the worry about where to leave them etc didn’t feel very holiday mode. 

One evening I got up to go to the room and my knees had completely locked up, I could not straighten them. We had enjoyed a few honey rums and I didn’t want people to think I was walking funny because I’d drunk too much, I’m not sure why it mattered so much to me, so I opted to take a practically vertical stairway to take me out of the main hall quicker. Lee thought I was mad, but there was a railing going up one side which I used to pull myself up on. Unfortunately the top was only held in by one screw. I was about 3/4 of the way up when it came out of the wall, as if in slow motion and only stopped when it hit the other side with me hanging on to it like a sloth. 

Harry came running back and shouted for Dad and then asked me what the hell I was playing at. 

I managed to push the bar to one side and crawl to the top. My boys were all very concerned, but then I got the giggles and I got them hard. How funny I must have looked. I promised Lee I’d take the long way round next time, however we found out that cabs were super cheap so travelled in luxury everywhere and my knees soon recovered. 

I’m sure there are plenty of other little stories I could share with you, but my bath is getting cold and I have a mountain of washing to get through! 

Love and hugs, kisses and wishes xxx