Holibobs Cornwall 2024 xxx

Well that was nice! 

I’ve actually made myself giggle. Really not in the mood to write, tired and have a headache. How funny would it be if that was all I wrote about our week away? Well that was nice. 

So obviously it was filled with the usual delicious stuff like welly walks, bodyboarding, crabbing, rock pooling, badminton, theme parks, touch rugby, film night snuggled up in the caravan under fluffy blankets sipping on hot chocolate with marshmallows and whippy cream. 

It was also littered with 4 hormonal children trapped in a tin can oops caravan, storms, teeny tiny uncomfortable beds, a shower you could barely fill a kettle from, sleep deprivation and more rain. Cor it felt good to get that off my chest, we’re not the Brady Bunch. Do you know what though? Those will probably be the things we laugh about when the boys are in their 20s and visiting for Sunday lunch, although Harry informs me he is never moving out. 

Anyways, you don’t want to hear about the good, the bad or the ugly, let me share some of the funny bits with you.

I’m not sure if this will tiggle you as much as it tiggled me, but Stepmonster number 1 (remember we’re a stepmonster gang, all about inclusivity and making blended family life work) wafted out of her cabin smelling scrumptious! 

Me “ oh my goodness you smell fine, what is that perfume you’re wearing girlfriend? “

At this point I should probably remind you that she is 14 and I am trying, but failing, to be down with the kids. 

SM1 “ hmm not sure, think it’s Dinky Apple”

Me “ Don’t think I’ve heard of that one.”

Spying the apple shaped bottle in her hand.

“ Do you mean DKNY Delicious?”

I did actually get offered a job with DKNY back in my fashion days when I was living in Paris working for Corinne Cobson, but that’s a whole other story. Maybe I’ll tell it another time. ( Yes that’s really true, feels like a life time ago and whilst fabulous, not a patch on the family happiness I have today.) 

Next I hear you cry. 

There were many car journeys. Daisy our VW Touran covered in flowers did us proud. Luckily where Lee had to hug some bushes down winding country roads playing chicken with oncoming traffic Daisy has acquired some new scratches so she is going to be getting more stickers! Woohoo! 

So these journeys were filled with wondrous conversations and debates. Let me share some with you.

From Stepmonster 2 – so if you could be paid £100m, but be followed by an immortal snail who can swim and would kill you with one touch would you take it?

It was a resounding yes. 

Ollie would pay to have it flown into space. Lee would pay someone to attach a sensor to it so he’d know when it was coming and move country every time it was near, Harry would trap it under a plastic box. 

Ollie informed us that it doesn’t take 7 years to digest chewing gum, but we all decided it was best not to and I wasn’t keen on the ideas they were coming up with to check said chewing gum had come  back out. 

This led to SM2 regaling a tale of a boy in his primary school who wrote the ABC on the toilet block wall in poo. Another conversation I decided to cut short. 

Another trip and Ollie piped up from the back out of nowhere asking if it was possible for someone to be gay with 8 men. 

After checking I had heard his question correctly and understood it, I responded that of course it is possible but it’s just plain greedy and really for a happy, healthy relationship you’re best off just finding the one. 

Back to those winding roads. There was the need for Lee to beep the beeper on a few blind bends. 

Harry “Dad, why do you keep beeping?”

Lee “ to warn other drivers because it’s a blind bend.”

Harry incredulous “ to warn blind drivers??”

Lee “ yes, I’m beeping so their guide dogs can warn them” 

Harry went quiet and thought about it for the rest of that journey. 

But I think my ultimate belly wobble came from SM2 on our welly walk at Cardinham Woods. If I’m being really honest it was more of a Croc walk than a welly walk. 

Half way round the walk we like to do the river ends at a damn. It has created a shallow pond, perfect for rock skimming and exploring and under the shelter of tall forest pines. We ate our lunch here and the children played. 

Actually, side note, one of the things I loved most about our free range holiday was that all four children played, really played, like something from Swallows and Amazons which I enjoyed reading as a child. 

Anyway, unfortunately there was already a family enjoying our favourite spot when we arrived. Obviously we are happy to share, but they had a daughter, about 9ish who was a cross between Veruca Salt and Augustus Gloop. 

She was literally throwing rocks at our children. We kept looking over at her parents in the hope they would chastise her, but to them, everything she was doing was adorable. 

I was just thinking of the best way to manage the situation when SM2 decided to put an end to it himself. He picked up the biggest boulder his 12 year old body could carry and threw it into the pool behind her creating a tidal wave. 

To which she shouted “REALLY??!!” 

She stormed off to her Mum and Dad demanding to be taken home via the cafe for an ice cream to cheer her up. 

Job done! 

I gave SM2 the biggest hug and thanked him for being so awesome. We laughed about that the whole walk back. 

Well look at that, I did write a blog after all. Just goes to show, with things you don’t feel like doing, you just have to start. 

Did you ever watch He-Man? At the end of every cartoon they used to have a lesson learned, I feel like I’ve done that with my blog today. 

Best quit whilst I’m ahead! Plus I need some painkillers!

Ooh, must say a big thank you to my Dad who made it all possible by house and dog sitting.

Love and hugs and kisses and wishes xxxx