Mum Guilt xxx

Please bear with me reader, we’re in the latter stages of half term and my children are sick!

In the song by Hot Chocolate, It Started With A Kiss, with Harrison it started last Tuesday with a cough.

Just a normal, irksome, chesty cough and a few irritating boogers. Nothing to show off about or keep him off school. Come the end of the week I worked from home expecting a call from the teachers to collect him, but our little Harry soldiered through.

Fast forward to a week later and his body was under full attack from every angle. I have never cleaned a bathroom floor so many times in one week, but at least our little gentleman made it in there every time even if he had to dance like the floor was hot lava.

I won’t go into the details, I’m still trying to eradicate them from my mind.

Yesterday morning there was a glimmer of hope and cheeky chappy Harry emerged for about an hour which made his disappearance all the more saddening.

He threw up again just before bed having only eaten a bite of toast all day.

Lee and I tucked him in with Ollie’s promise to watch over him and visibly concerned.

I sat in the garden and had a cry. I just couldn’t seem to make him better, it’s my most important job and I’m failing!

I called 111 and having gone through a long and thorough assessment with a health care assistant felt reassured.

Lee and I waited for the clinician to call us back, but the allotted 2 hour slot came and went.

We deliberated for a while, called in the mum friends and then decided together there was no point waiting up for a call or taking a loud call in the AM. So I turned my phone off, snuggled up next to Harry under the star projector and wished on all of them the night would pass quickly and he’d wake up better.

Damn those star projectors are good! It came true! Well worth the £10 on Amazon.

Whilst Harry is far from 100% he is eating and drinking and more importantly keeping it in. He even has enough energy to play Roblox.

Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions probably mainly brought on by sleep deprivation and a worn out immune system.

I was elated in the morning when Harry had some spark and then devastated when it went back out.

I realised I was mainly wrestling with Mum guilt. We’d had so many yummy things planned and are usually so active that it felt wrong to be tied to the house and simply being. I made dens, put up tents, made tissue box monsters, played in the hot tub, even tried my hand at coding on Minecraft anything to fill the void. But suddenly something snapped and I gave myself and my children permission to essentially be lazy.

Hopefully we will have all the time in the world to fill with active, outdoorsy things as and when needed.

Another realisation was that I’d been wearing the same clothes for 36 hours! Gross! So I peeled them off and sat soaking in the bath with the twins close by playing on their electronics.

Actually, the Asda delivery arrived 15 minutes early. Harry alerted me to a knocking on the window. Why doesn’t anyone use our doorbell? Anyways, I jumped out the bath and had the insight to grab my oodie. Got to the front door and waved to the driver and , then out of sight, changed from my towel into said oodie whilst he started to put together our crates of yumminess.

A apologised for the state of us and explained there had been sickness when in reality I would have been ready by the time he was due to deliver, so British.

Ollie helped me put all the shopping away mainly so I’d help him pass a level on his game.

Before sinking back into the bath I did a bend and stretch test in front of the mirror to be sure the delivery driver hadn’t got an eyeful.

One thing I can be sure of is that I can see a missed poo smear on the door, how did that get there?

Today we will mostly be enjoying getting better in our pants! I’m not sure that is worded how I mean it to be but hey, you get the gist. I’m not going to force the boys to get ready, I’m not going to make them do anything, we can just happily vegetate together until we are all better xxx

I hope the holidays have been kinder to you.

Love and hugs xxx