Sweet spot xxx

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, truth be told I haven’t been feeling it, but you don’t need to hear about my melancholies, no if you wanted to feel sad you’d be reading a newspaper.

Also my bath isn’t working!

Da da daaaaaaa! ( just Googled that and turned out it is the correct spelling! Who knew?! Well apart from Google and probably Rob from work).

I can’t run a full bath without it running cold! I told someone I thought it was the Flex Capacitor, turns out that’s something completely different unless I want my bath to time travel. That might be cool, but do I want to turn up anywhere naked, no matter the time line? For now I’d just like it to be hot! My bath that is.

It turns out if I’m prepared to settle for it being luke warm there is a sweet spot setting that will keep it running, but finding that gauge is harder than navigating a conversation with my hormonal step children.

It is probably fair to say then that my bath is my muse.

So if I were to become a famous writer would that mean I could insure my bath like Cristiano Ronaldo has his legs? Oh my gosh, listen to what these other celebrities have insured for realsies!

• Jennifer Lopez, her bottom

• Charlie Chaplin his feet

• Dolly Parton her boobies

• Julia Roberts her smile

• Mariah Carey her legs

I bet out of all of those it was Charlie Chaplins feet that made you raise an eyebrow. I also bet you chuckled at the word boobies unless you’re my Dad and for those who really know me, yes I did mutter under my breath that Julia Roberts sure hadn’t insured her armpits which she failed to shave for the red carpet. I just can’t forgive her for that. Yes I know it’s her right but I’m entitled to my opinion.

Who would have thought my bath could be linked to Julia Roberts armpits surely that’s the most tenacious link yet!

What news from the Twinkles?

Well Harry is still zapping me with his charm! I put my glasses on the other day to finish knitting some baby booties for my friend who is 26 so that makes me young and cool by association! Anyway Harry called me Grandma. I informed him you need to have grandchildren to be a grandmother to which he responded “well you look like one” and went back to killing his friends on Roblox.

Ollie was feeling particularly emotional the other day and when I informed him Teen Titans had finished he had a complete melt down which ended with him screaming at me that he’d had a really bad day because he had actually nearly died. It later transpired that he did not have a near death experience but another student had jokingly held a fork near his neck which had been stopped by a teacher pretty much as soon as it started.

They say that those people who walk on hot coals are actually using power of mind and telling themselves it is green green grass. There is no force I can use strong enough to pretend this bath is warm enough for me to stay in it any longer! Until it is fixed I might have to down size to limericks but I’m not very good at those.

Love and hugs, kisses and wishes xxx